"THE Sliotar on duty at any given time during the Munster hurling final is, gram for gram, the most important element of all the action." This is the opening line of a statement just issued following the traditional sliotars convention in a quiet room in Páirc Uí Chaoimh last night.

The conventions go largely unreported and this is a great pity because, in fact, the overwhelming majority of the motions passed give a unique lateral insight into the very heart of tomorrow's ritual battle.

For example the first motion passed unanimously last night in the bottom of the crowded bag was highly critical of what the sliotars termed "the increasing frequency of passages of action not directly involving us at all" -what the rest of us call Off The Ball Incidents.

The sliotars felt it necessary to directly name three Tipperary players and four Limerick players as being constantly involved "in this regrettable practice which has the effect of making our members redundant for minutes on end."

And they say in their motion: "It must cease forthwith, especially in the first ten minutes of the game and in both squares at all times. It is ruining the graceful flight and flow of our members who, it should be noted, are never directly involved in this graceless skulduggery and skuldiggery and unreservedly condemn it."

As with all self-interest groups and guilds, several further motions which were passed unanimously at the convention, from the sliotars' point of view, add an intriguing new dimension to the electric excitement building up for the Munster final tomorrow.

Tipperary full-back Philip Maher is cited for, and I quote, "having no respect whatever for our members' longevity and well-being.

"He is constantly plucking our colleagues and ourselves out of the clouds with an iron grasp which compresses our intestines and then striking us huge distances with quite unnecessary force.

"He has already drastically shortened the playing life of 37 of our members this season. He should study the sliotar-friendly style of his colleague Tommy Dunne who, in close association with our members, creates moments of great grace and accuracy combined with even greater distance.

Or he might take a leaf out of the copybook of Limerick's Ciaran Carey who, thoughout a long career, has always worked in close harmony with all of us." The sliotars' convention issued a special appeal to Limerick forward James Butler, "to also treat us with more consideration, especially when we are lying on the ground."

Tipperary's Lar Corbett is asked to, "keep our members in your possession a little longer when attacking, so as to better enable both parties to create more elegant points."

But perhaps the harshest motion of all from the convention is also the most interesting. The sliotars "unanimously and without reservation" launched a fierce verbal attack on Tipperary goalkeeper, Brendan Cummins, "for frequently preventing all of our members the satisfaction of crashing into the back of the net."

They claim Cummins has broken decades of tradition, long established, which garnished Munster hurling finals with "at least one goal at either end in order to elevate the game to the highest level".

They claim Cummins has broken ancient convention by "using point blank techniques, not occasionally and almost miraculously, but routinely, to stop our members reaching the net for goals they have deserved through assisting forwards to create magical opportunities."

They further claim these point-blank saves are inflicting great internal injuries to their membership and are ruining their colleagues' attempts "to create classic cliffhanger games worthy of a Munster final".

Ominously for some, the sliotars have added a rider to their outright condemnation of what many would call the excellence of Cummins.

They state, and I have seen it in black and white: "On Sunday our members will do everything in their power, by way of deflections and erratic bounces and hops and half-hops, to assist Brian Begley and one of our colleagues to add the excitement of at least one cul against Cummins to this Munster Final."

So there it is. A sliotars' perspective. If it is indeed decided by one lucky bounce of the ball remember ye read it here first.